I've been dying to say this to you.

It's official.
I need a way out.




Hopefully that's what Utah,
or just leaving [you or/and i] will give me.


I wish I was stronger than this.  But knowing I'm not worthy of you, or just, at the same level - as what you mean to me - says it all.
I'm sorry - I don't give up easily.

But the thought of loosing you on bad terms, seems impossible, I if can't do this.


If I dont say goodbye, then I'm sorry.
To be honest, I never wanted to.

i feel crazy.  I feel inadequate. I feel left out.  I feel low.  I feel unwanted.  & non of that is true.  & to think that the one person who deserves more than even this world can offer him, thinks hopeful thoughts about me.  Worries me.  Freaks me out.  I dont understand.

But I cant stop crying & i cant stop feeling like I dont deserve this.  & its just a game in my head.  I keep thinking that im not worth it, that even my intelligence factor isnt worth it.  I dnot feel desrving enough to have him in my life, not to mention take centre stage.  I cant stop crying. 


i cant stop crying & there is something in my eye.

facebook still confuses the shit out of me.